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Why Are We Feeling Anxious During Lock-down?

Posted on by Janet Webb
Waves crashing against a groyne
Change can feel turbulent, which may be why are we feeling anxious during lock-down

I was speaking to a friend over the weekend who was feeling vulnerable at work before the lock-down and is feeling anxious during lock-down now that she is furloughed and out of any normal communication channels.  The management style in her organisation is pretty aggressive (and sulky) and she’s had no communication from her manager in a month. She’s had two standard letters from HR; the last one arriving to say that she would not be going back to work in two days time as indicated in her previous letter. She feels like she is being crashed about by waves that she can’t see.

This article is based on the e-mail that I sent her; if your work place feels threatening at the moment, and you are feeling anxious, then this is for you too.

 

E-mail to a friend who is feeling anxious during lock-down and shouldn’t be.

According to various pieces of research, there are a number of factors that have an impact on how we respond to situations (for example see anything by David Rock, Amy Brann, Prof Steve Peters, Jan Hills)

David Rock’s SCARF model gives us a structure for thinking about what is happening to us during change.  We respond either with a threat response or a reward response; we either like what is happening and get positive hormones or we feel threatened and we send out fear hormones, preparing us for our imminent death! This is all influenced by our own circumstance and how we view things. Nevertheless, organisations have a responsibility to not harm their staff; mentally and physically.

Status – our sense of personal worth

Questions to ask – How does this affect my status? Does this impact on my credibility? Where am I on the pecking order? How do I compare to others?

Certainty – our sense of the future

Questions to ask – How well can I predict the future? Do I know what is likely to happen next? Do I have the information that will help me predict the future?

Autonomy – our sense of control over our life

Questions to ask – To what degree can I make decisions and choices? What control do I have? What input do I have over the things that affect me?

Relatedness – our sense of safety with others

Questions to ask – Am I safe with other people? How much do I trust others? How connected do I feel? Am I in or out of the “in” group?

Fairness – our sense of fairness in the system

Questions to ask – Is what’s happening fair? Am I experiencing fair connections and exchanges with others? Is the system intrinsically fair?

Looking at this and asking the questions, you can see that almost every aspect of the current situation is likely to generate a threat response in you at the moment. Each of the areas is likely to trigger stress hormones. If you were on a battle field you could use that to beat everyone up; you would be invincible.  The trouble is that you can’t! So you are left with a mental soup of hormones telling you to run or fight but you can’t use those hormones up. It is no wonder that you are struggling – anyone would! You are in a constant state of alarm which needs turning down.

But there is good news here – what to do about it.

 

As Easy As Drinking A Cup Of Tea – it’s complex

Posted on by Janet Webb

We take drinking as a very ordinary thing. However, what is happening is quite complex and based on a mass of learning.

Our hand grabs the cup. This is quite a sophisticated action requiring us to:

  • judge distance and pressure
  • work out a specific placement on the cup so as not to knock it over, or miss all together.
An empty mug used for tea.
Janet’s tea cup – sadly empty

We lift the cup at the speed, learned over a life time, that doesn’t swill the liquid out of the cup but is fast enough to satisfy our desire. Without looking we touch the cup to our lips. Then we judge the level of tilt required to deliver a reasonable amount of fluid, without sloshing a deluge up our noses. We brace ourselves for it to be too hot and we take evasive action if it is. We respond if someone knocks us mid-swill and we adjust position to deal with this.

Judgement as sophisticated as this takes a lifetime to develop.

Taking a drink of tea (or anything else) requires extensive experimentation and learning though our lives. Without realising it, we develop the skill to analyse, measure and adjust in a rather refined and unconscious way. All this in order to be able to drink a cup of tea effectively.

Is it possible, therefore, that actually we aren’t all experts on what to do during a more complex situation, like a pandemic, for instance?

Is it conceivable that people with the responsibility of making the best decisions on a situation far more crucial than drinking tea, are quite possibly doing a good job? Even if it may not look like it? Maybe what is happening is complex and so we will have no idea what the “right” choices are until the whole thing has blown over? At that point, and only at that point, we will be able to analyse the outcome? Could it be that currently we really have no idea?

Could it? I rather suspect it could.

Do Your Managers Have The Skills …

Posted on by Janet Webb

…To Ensure That Your Workforce Have The Skills?

I was recently asked to give a presentation on the following topic;

“Appraisals – still necessary or no longer needed, and if the latter how do you replace the role they traditionally play?”

An appraisal form is acting like a coaster.
Do we really need an annual appraisal?

It’s a question that has been around for a while, indeed I first wrote about this on LinkedIn in 2015.

My current thoughts, and therefore the basis of my presentation, are as follows:

Forgive me, but this is the wrong question.

An organisation needs a workforce that is competent and confident enough to do a good job, executed well.  The question is how does an organisation achieve this? And to answer that, there are a number of other questions to ask.

 

 

What are the right questions?

  1. What does great management look like in this organisation?
  2. How competent and confident are the current managers, at all levels, at delivering great management?
  3. What would let the “boss” know that they are?
  4. How do the employees know what a good job looks like and how do we measure how effective they are at delivering it?

It seems to me that:

  • staff need to know what is expected of them and to what standard
  • they need regular feedback and opportunities to discuss what is impacting on their role
  • this regular feedback and discussion needs to be of good quality, good enough that both parties value it
  • and this starts at the top – what objectives do the senior team have for leading, developing and motivating their team? And how good are they at doing that?

For instance, how good are your managers at nurturing creativity in their teams? You can read more about my views on that here. See also what the World Economic Forum saw as the skills demand over the next few years on page 12 or their The Future of Jobs Report 2018.

Does an annual appraisal deliver this?

On its own? No; appraisal as an annual event in isolation will not deliver this but continuous, quality, two-way discussion will, as long as managers have the skills.

And it may well feed into an annual process of reflection.

So the question is, do your managers have the skills?

Sailing and Running a Business – they don’t have to be dangerous

Posted on by Janet Webb

I sail; like running a business it’s not a dangerous sport – as long as you take the right precautions:

  • a certain amount of knowledge and skill
  • proper planning
  • understanding the environment and its impact
  • having the right tools and equipment to hand
  • not making assumptions
  • having procedures in place

If all of that is in-hand then sailing is absolutely brilliant fun. Sailing a boat is not so very different from running a business – whether it’s a single-hander or a multi-million pound enterprise.

How is sailing like running a business?
Anchoring at Osborne Bay at Sunset

Sailing is one of those activities where teamwork makes the difference. It’s essential to stay safe, and if you are racing or wanting to get to a certain place by a certain time, it is crucial.

Organisations could learn a lot from great sailing teams.

  1. Hire the best people – the best people are not necessarily the ones with all the certificates, but may well be the ones with all the right attitudes. You can teach someone to sail – you can’t teach someone to not be a fool.
  2.  Work together – spend time together honing your relationship, communication processes, understanding strengths and weaknesses. A new team doesn’t win straight off – unless they are incredibly lucky or if the opposition is non-existent.
  3.  Be clear about what is expected – give people clear parameters within which to work, give them the skills and tools to do a good job, give and receive feedback on how it’s going.
  4.  Get out of the way! – four hands trying to tie one rope doesn’t work.
  5.  Listen – if you are at the helm and someone else is at the sharp end telling you that there is an obstacle ahead, then listen, whether they are the Head of Finance or the galley steward.
  6.  Build up your people –a team that has “failed” will feel deflated and exhausted by the process. Remind them that getting from A to B is an achievement, even if you came last. And every situation teaches; you will learn more from coming last than the team who came first, as long as you are minded to.
  7.  Celebrate the things that matter – sitting on deck with a glass of something refreshing, watching the sun go down is one of the most fabulous feelings. Doing it with your team is just the best.

If you need help with any of the above then give me a call – from the foredeck or over the phone. See About Me for contact details.

Post first published on LinkedIn 15th Jan 2020.

What Stops You (or your staff) Being A Superhero – apart from a lack of cape?

Posted on by Janet Webb

I wrote an article for The Littlehampton Times recently about whether staff need to find their inner superhero. (They don’t.)  This is an extended version of that article.

Our values, beliefs, assumptions, prejudices, emotions and thinking are all interlinked.

They are formed through our experiences and have a huge impact on our behaviour. And this can be problematic. When we are anxious, our behaviour can become very unhelpful. If we are facing a phobia then our behaviour can become extreme. But our behaviour can also be affected by much more subtle and benign (to some) situations. Just when we want to react positively, we find ourselves struggling.

Typical examples of when this happens include:

  • speaking in public, talking to strangers
  • managing tricky situations
  • talking to someone who is usually aggressive
  • saying “no”
  • doing something exciting
  • being decisive

– basically any situation where we perceive a risk, even if the risk is minimal.

We want to be calm, professional, persuasive and competent. Instead we cringe, avoid things, get distressed and feel super stuck, rather than superhero. Sound familiar?

So what’s going on?

Your limbic system, that’s what.

This is the part of your brain that is trying to keep you safe. It reacts to situations it sees as threatening or risky or just unexpected. But it is very simplistic and responds as if you’re about to die. Adrenalin flows through your body to help you fight an attacker or run away from a wild animal; useful in a dangerous tribal landscape. Not so useful when the perceived danger is a shop keeper, or your friend, or an audience, or your boss!

When the adrenalin is flowing we feel stressed, we sweat, our stomachs churn; we may even shake.  Blood is switched from our normal thinking systems (our pre-frontal cortex) and from our digestive system and is sent to our muscles. We prepare to run or fight – we need to do a pooh or be sick (to lighten our load) and our muscles twitch if they aren’t used, which is why we shake. It’s all really unhelpful. We want to do something positive but our bodies are trying to stop it.

What’s the solution? Do we need to be a superhero?

  • Understand what’s happening. The limbic system is an old bit of our brains from an evolutionary perspective and is really dumb! It’s either happy or it’s really scared – no in-between. It’s like having a small child inside you shouting “we’re going to die!” But of course we aren’t. Knowing this can really help.
  • Learn to calm your limbic system. Notice what fires it off and then really think about what is going on – what is the truth about the situation. Is your anxiety warranted? If not, tell your limbic system that all is well. And then choose to ignore the symptoms. They may not go away but they will calm down.
  • Understand that the way to feel OK about a situation is to face it over and over. The first time someone drives a car they feel petrified. Only by repeating the experience and practice does someone get to the stage where driving is no big deal – fun even.

Practice makes perfect – or at least it makes things possible.

  • Practice a range of techniques to control your response, choosing how to behave rather than reacting from fear, e.g.:
    1. Visualise being excellent before an event that is worrying you, so that your limbic system knows what to expect – you being terrific and having fun.
    2. When we are feeling anxious we can lose control of our breathing; it can become shallow and rapid. Get control back by breathing OUT, hard and slowly. Then force a normal breathing pattern – shorter in breaths and longer out breaths. Practice this when you are feeling calm.
    3. Listen to your thinking – is your inner superhero or your limbic system speaking? Telling yourself that you are scared just makes things worse. Instead, talk to yourself about the reality of the situation. For instance, tell yourself that you are in control, notice that there are people around who are looking out for you, remember that what you are about to do is exciting. Research has shown that just saying “I’m excited” is enough to change your perspective and feelings.
    4. Notice and accept what’s really happening – you aren’t about to fight a sabre-tooth tiger. You may still feel anxiety but you have the strength within you to feel anxious but to choose to go ahead anyway. Because you are in charge – not your limbic system.

Your anxiety is not who you are. YOU are who you are; fabulous, shining, clever, creative, wonderful and loved.

Your limbic system is a pretty dumb thing in comparison – show it who’s boss.

No cape is required.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Your Anxiety is Not You – you are you.

Posted on by Janet Webb

All of us have certain things that trigger anxiety – these differ for each person because our life experience is different and therefore we have differing beliefs and perspectives. For some a trigger might be public speaking and for others it is dealing with someone who is a bit “difficult.” (We could have a long debate about what difficult means, but I’ll save that for another blog.)

Anxiety Is A Chemical – it’s not you.

We feel our anxiety because a specific part of our brain sees these things as threatening. Unfortunately this bit of our hard wiring reacts as if we are facing death. Therefore, our bodies get ready to run away (from a sabre-tooth tiger) or stand up and fight (with the axe wielding member of an enemy tribe.) It’s a primitive response that is not so helpful if what you are trying to do is speak to your boss! Phobias, like fear of heights, spiders, snakes, the dark etc, are extreme versions of this anxiety.

Understanding what’s going on is part of the battle. I took a friend sailing  a while back and was able to help him see a new perspective on his anxiety. I’ve written about it here. We have learned to be anxious about certain things. And we can unlearn it.

What Creative Thinking Skills Are You Investing In?

Posted on by Janet Webb

According to the World Economic Forum, analytical, creative thinking and complex problem solving, are key skills for now and over the next few years.

 

The skills the World Economic Forum think are important.

 

The pace of change, particularly around working lives, requires a workforce that can remain flexible, think creatively and make effective choices. Understating how the brain might actually get in the way of these skills and having a kitbag of strategies to boost thinking power, may be more important than experience. Knowing how we have done things in the past will not be as useful as coming up with ideas on how to do things differently.

“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” Albert Einstein

 

 

Impasse to Insight – creative problem solving for business.

 

We Were Born Creative – what happened?

Posted on by Janet Webb

Photo of the Eagle Nebula’s Pillars of Creation taken by the NASA/ESA Hubble Space Telescope

We were born creative and clever. We were born awesome.

Everything we learn for the first years of our lives we teach ourselves: through experimentation, through putting two and two together and seeing the results, through wondering “what if?”  During this time we teach ourselves a language; some people teach themselves more than one.

We then get told to sit still, be quiet, colour in between the lines. Most of us, for whatever reason, start to develop beliefs about ourselves that are unhelpful; beliefs that are contrary to this reality.

“You aren’t creative, you’re not that bright, you’re not as good as…”

I heard twenty years ago about some research that was done with engineers at a car manufacturer. They were trying to establish what made the creative ones that bit more creative. Were they born that way? The answer was this; the creative ones believed that they were creative. That’s it, the only difference that they found. So yes they were born creative; we all are.

I don’t know whether this story is true (and if anyone could find me the research I would be very grateful) but I have been exploring this ever since. I was someone who believed that I wasn’t creative. And yet I:

  • could dance from the moment I could walk
  • was musical
  • was good at creative writing
  • genetically speaking, should have been creative since both of my parents were

And yet!

It has taken some time for me to say “yes, I’m creative.” What a waste!

So what is stopping you? What beliefs have been holding you still, when you could have been dancing, drawing, singing, writing, learning?

You were born awesome – you still are; let it shine.

For The Future

Posted on by Janet Webb

I spoke at Chichester College’s Professional Student Graduation ceremony last night about the future. Students from Marketing, Accountancy, Human Resources and Learning & Development received their certificates and then contemplated what’s next. As the guest speaker, this is the heart of the advice I gave them.

Janet in a red dress, standing at a lecturn, addressing a room full of students
Janet Speaking about the future.

1 – Say Yes If You Can

When life offers you an opportunity, grab it with both hands even if it isn’t part of your plan and not what you were expecting. This is particularly important if someone else is saying “I think you would be great at this.” Doing a wide variety of things opens your horizons and makes you more effective.

Opportunities don’t always work out well but they are never wasted. We learn from the bad times as well as the good times. Say yes and make it yours.

2 – When You Say No, Let It Go

If you have to say no to an opportunity don’t waste your time wondering what would have happened differently – you will never know.  Sometimes we come across two paths and have to choose which one to go down. Whether you choose the path “less travelled by [1]” or the massive motorway, travelled by a million people before you, let the other path go.

3 – Stay A Student Forever

You will learn things today that in the future you will discover are not true. You must keep looking, studying, learning, challenging, testing yourself and what you know. Never give up being a student; it hasn’t finished, it has only just begun.

 

You can’t see the road ahead, only what is now and what has gone before. You can scream with excitement or you can scream with fear. Your choice – choose excitement.

 

[1] Robert Frost, The Road Not Taken

Why Is Dealing With Miscarriage So Upsetting?

Posted on by Janet Webb

Next week is Baby Loss Awareness Week.  Miscarriage and stillbirth, even in these enlightened times, are still taboo subjects.  But not being able to talk about it, just makes a very painful experience even worse. Here is a blog, that I posted as a guest blog last year, that might answer some questions and give a different perspective for those dealing with miscarriage – and for those seeking to support them.

The Darkness and Dawn of Miscarriage.

Darkness

Miscarriage is not the happiest of subject matters but a topic that affects so many people – about one in four pregnancies. I have written this in the hope of answering two questions:

  1. Why is dealing with miscarriage quite so upsetting?
  2. How do I support someone going through this?

I worked in a hospital at the time of my miscarriages. The obstetrician was fantastically supportive and kind, but many of my colleagues said the most appalling things to me; not from malice but from misjudgement. It was really confusing. It was hard enough to get my head around the fact that I had been a mother who had never held or kissed her child. To be subjected to pseudo-medical guesswork was just more than I could bear. After the first miscarriage I went into a form of shock. I was back at work on the Monday, apparently fine. By the Friday I was in pieces and I didn’t really understand why. Now I do understand why but it took a while to work it out.

For those dealing with miscarriage one of the hardest things to cope with is other people’s reactions. The problem, I believe, is created by a difference of perspective. For friends and family the miscarriage is a medical event – the pregnancy has stopped – but for the hopeful parents, what is lost is not the pregnancy but the baby in their arms. And it is this baby, fully imagined, fully cherished, that is lost. I have many friends who have also had this experience. Loved ones wanting to support but unsure of what to say, and because of their perspective getting it horribly wrong; the very people who should be pouring love and support, just end up pouring more darkness.

 

So How Do You Be Their Dawn? – for the mothers and their partners.

  1. Understand that you are helping someone who is grieving (as well as dealing with chaotic hormones and probably having undergone a fairly grim, clinical procedure.)
  2. Don’t assume that when someone says “I’m fine” that they are. And don’t assume that the “I’m fine” from yesterday is still true today or even in a month’s time.
  3. Don’t keep going on about it. Don’t get frustrated when they do.
  4. Do NOT say:

    “it was for the best” (it wasn’t – it really, really wasn’t the best)

    “at least you have your other child” (they are not consolation prizes)

    “well at least you know that you can get pregnant” (this was not a dress rehearsal; this was the real thing.)

  5. If you notice anyone saying the above, have a word.
  6. DO say:

    “I’m so sorry.”

    “How can I help?”

    “This is really sad news.”

    “I’m sorry that I don’t know what to say.”

  7. Hug them. Remember to hug the partner; they’re grieving too.
  8. Help. If you can, turn up and do the washing up, hoovering, making tea for visitors. They’ll be mortified that you did their washing up etc. but will also be relieved that it’s done. You have to play this one really carefully so have empathy dials up to max.
  9. Turn up with food; my friend Sarah turned up with a casserole and jacket potatoes already cooked and still hot – I just needed to put them on the plate. I sobbed.
  10. If you are their manager, treat them as you would after any bereavement. Take particular care to remember point 1 and 2.

I had a very spiritual experience a while ago that helped me deal with my own miscarriages. I share that here with the aim that it brings some peace, clarity and hope.

One final point; if you are currently dealing with miscarriage then you are not alone. The miscarriage association have a fabulous website. Speak to your friends and family; there will be people close by who have been through exactly what you are going through. Lean on them. Say yes to help. Be difficult. Rage. Love. Grieve.

Edit – 08/03/21 – For men there is also this new website – there is often no-one there for the men; well now there is.